Letters from Camp Aunt Sissy

While my wife prepped for the upcoming school year, the kids stayed with their aunt, uncle, and cousins. Our 5YO has many opinions. She informed us that she was going to wear a fancy dress and high heels to her first day of kindergarten. She decided to make do with new pink sneakers, though she was miffed that the ones with glitter were not in her size.

Here are some other opinions she shared during her visit:

AS: What was your favorite part about the trip you took?
5YO: The pool with the swim-up bar.
AS: Oh yeah? Did you order at the bar?
5YO: Yes.
AS: What did you order?
5YO: Strawberry daiquiris.
AS: Daiquiris? Were they good?
5YO: Really good.
AS: And that was your favorite part about your vacation?
5YO: Yes.

_______________

5YO: I used to want to have ten kids.
AS: Ten!? Why don’t you want ten anymore?
5YO: Well, I found out that ten comes after five and not before it.
AS: Mmm hmm.

______________

5YO looks at part of a broken bannister.

5YO: Someone should fix that. (Stares at uncle. Looks at aunt.) And there’s a dead bug on the floor so you should probably sweep.

______________

7YO: All these clothes are too small! Why did you pack these?
5YO: Somebody had to because you wouldn’t get your lazy butt off the couch and do it.

____________

AS: (Looks at bowl full of glitter and dark red goo) What did you make?
5YO: Murder slime.
AS: You sure talk about murder a lot.
5YO: I don’t talk about it THAT much. It just comes up sometimes. Like when I make bloody murder slime.

____________

So that’s our gift from camp. You can keep your stupid lanyard.

PS: Evidently a Target trip turned into a song and dance routine featuring the lines: “Wine, beer—everything’s here!”

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